He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
