I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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