so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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