i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
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