STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
