I am puke
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
