Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
