he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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