Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
