I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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