summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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