At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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