Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
