Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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