she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
