Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
