I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
