Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize