Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
