No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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