i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
