I hate your face
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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