capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
