Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
