someone threw a dead crab at me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Too much gin, very little bucket
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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