So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Boobs speak an international language.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
