im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
