She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
