Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
