First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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