Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
