I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
