All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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