the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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