New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
