I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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