WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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