Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
