NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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