Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
