New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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