it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
