Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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