I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
