Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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