Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
