Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Define "chronic" masturbator.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize