Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
