nut hugger
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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