So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
