the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
