Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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