dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Im part way to drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
