you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have fence marks all over my body
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
