you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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