Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
