shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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