A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
