She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
