So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
