In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize