I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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