i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
