Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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