Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
