I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
