Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
