hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
