dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
