she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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