im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
