he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
