oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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