What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
